I was dreading taking her to swimming last night.
There was a test to see if they could stay on with the competitive swim club or go back to lessons.
I was nervous she wouldn't be able to do it (swim two laps without stopping), and then feel bad if she couldn't.
I explained to her that most of the kids would be bigger and faster than her.
I explained that we were just going to check it out, to see if it was a good fit for her.
I wanted to protect her heart.
I wanted to protect mine.
Because I knew in my head that it wasn't rejection if she couldn't make the two laps- but I couldn't make my heart understand.
I am sensitive, and if I feel rejected, I am sad.
But if I feel like my kid was rejected?
That's just sooo much worse.
So there she stood, with about 45 other kids, most of whom were in the 7-8 year range, just waiting her turn to jump in the water and show what she could do.
She looked so little in her ruffly princess swimsuit, while lots of the others were in their official swim club suits that look so professional and somewhat daunting.
And then she just went for it!
Pulled her purple goggles (perfectly fitted to her head by Daddy the night before) down over her eyes, jumped in and tried to remember the things Daddy told her:
1. Keep kicking
2. Fingers together and hand in a hook
3. Pull hard (swim-speak for strong strokes)
She could see me on deck for her last lap, giving her thumbs-up and cheering her on (I don't know if any other parents did that and frankly, I don't care), waiting at the finish line.
She looked like she was struggling, and my heart hurt for her and I ached to help her along.
But then she was there at the wall, quite honestly beaming with joy!
She pulled herself up out of the pool without even bothering to use the ladder (Noah says that's the sign of a water polo player, ha!) and with the enthusiasm she displays for nearly every activity she's ever tried, said "That was tricky! But it was sooo fun!"
Sweet Claire of mine, my heart just about burst.
I'm sure my smile was ridiculously wide and I was shaking with both relief and pride.
While Noah always knew she could do it and told her so, I worried about how she would feel if she couldn't.
Turns out (as usual) I should have trusted my other half. :)